Fresno, Provision, Delight.

And Fresno gets even harder to leave. Really? Never thought I'd ever type those words. But when does your dream school, adventure, and a place you've wanted to live with people you've wanted to be close to since childhood not outweigh great community, the best apartment mates ever, a church I LOVE, a ministry I believe in, and lives I can invest in? I definitely could have worded that last sentance better.

Point is, it's going to be really hard to leave. Honestly, those adventures and good times and the typical college experience don't seem to measure up to the ministry opportunities here and the ones I'm already involved in. And thankfully, none of it has been my doing. I decided a while ago to work and pray on Him preparing me and then let Him place me somewhere when He deems me ready. I don't want to push myself into leadership or ministry postitions when I am not prepared. I've seen what gifts get ruined when character isn't up to par. And it doesn't just affect the individual. But it's happening. Another two opportunities came up in the last week. And I am passionate about them. Oh Lord, what are you doing!!?

Maybe DTS after...yeck...Fresno State.

And as far as the living outside of my means thing is going, I fully believe in what George Muller was saying when he said if it is His work, it will prosper. I also remember my friend's dad telling me something I will never forget my senior year of high school, "God takes full responsibility for a life fully given to Him." The last two weeks, since I've started living this way and challenging some of His promises, I am just blown away. It's teaching me to trust in ways I never have before. And boy am I His spoiled child. I wonder if blessing us like this is things He wants to do and provide for us, but we just don't ever give Him opportunities. Just enough work pops up every single week to cover my monthly bills. I was needing to spend some money to get a load of papers printed off. Of course the office offered without my asking. I needed milk and shampoo and wanted bread. I went to work at my parent's house yesterday and of course there on the table was shampoo with a note saying my mom had bought a double loaf package of bread and would I please take one. Then my dad was home sick and told me while I was cleaning that he wanted me to start taking home one gallon every Monday. And just like that all the little things are covered. Maybe this isn't that big of a deal or significant to anyone else. But to me, these are just a couple of the many times I watch Him take care of me down to the little insignificant and seemingly unimportant things time and time again.

A group of us hung out after the Well's evening service Sunday to discuss the message further. Brad kicked off a series on Song of Solomon with a bang. He ripped into the guys then ripped into the girls and challenged us on what we need to be and do and what to look for. So, so good. (Sidenote: I went and took my notes home and processed it with my dad a little bit and asked him for insight and wisdom on what closed hand traits should be and what I need to work on etc. So precious. I wish every girl could have parents like I do and a relationship with their father like I do) Anyway, that is not where I meant to go with this. A while back I talked about struggling a little bit with the issue of grasping or even accepting the fact He delights in us. He sings over us. He quiets us with His love. HE DELIGHTS IN ME? Not happening. I have met two other people that actually get where I am coming from when I say this. The difference is why they can't get it is because of family junk and daddy issues. Neither of which I remotely have ever had to deal with. So it's just weird I struggle with this. I asked the group what they thought of when they heard that phrase He delights in us. One of the girls works at a hospital. On rough days she goes to the baby floor and just sits and watches. She said there is nothing like parents with their newborns. That child has done nothing to earn or deserve their parent's adoration and delight that is constantly being lavished on them. But all the parents seem to want to do is be affectionate with their baby. They just want to hold them and sing over them. At that point the child is pretty much unaware their Mommy or Daddy are singing to them at all. All the child gives the parents is their need to be constantly taken care of and provided for and cleaned up and fed. Sound familiar? But none of that matters. The parents love their child and delight in them simply because it is their child. All I offer to God is my need to be taken care of, provided for, cleaned up, and raised. But maybe that is just it. Maybe His delighting in me has nothing to do with anything I do or don't do but is only contingent on the fact I am His.

I am His. That is what He delights in. And there is nothing like the safety and rest that comes in the Father's arms.