Post Residency Team Pink Meeting Thoughts

I want God's perfect will, not His permissable. Whatever the cost.

At the meeting tonight the subject of Him delighting in us came up. There was a lot of good talk and fellowship and that subject was very briefly touched on but it hit a nerve. I catch glimpses of that, of truly grasping it. I know He does it all for me, and I can't accomplish anything but the need for salvation and grace on my own. I know I have no place with Him unless I let Him bear my filth. And I know His blood is more than enough. But most days I just can't wrap my mind around the idea He delights in us, He sings over me....basically the idea of Zeph 3:17. I can't grasp that I would please Him. I feel like all I ever do is know Him better and still reject Him. Choose other things over Him. Fail. How does that please Him and honor Him? It doesn't. But then I also know it doesn't depend on me. It's Him. I also realize my not being able to grasp this is not allowing me to accept it. And as a result I keep hitting a brick wall and can't go on. It's keeping me from accepting that type of love and level of intimacy. And I'm not okay with that. But I don't know how to get past this. And I left feeling so emotionally drained and exhausted. It hit a nerve I didn't expect and thought I had already dealt with.

Romans 5:8 and John 15:9. Rain....God has met me in all of these but I still run back to the unbelief. Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

I just want to bless Him back. I want to honor the One who gave it all and did it all. I want to please Him.