For Tiff...

I was commanded to write a new blog today. I feel less than rebellious so here we go...random mesh of the last week and other things. cross your fingers...this might actually be short...ish. Doubtful, I know.

I've been thinking a lot about Joseph. We are currently covering his story in residency and it is good stuff. I am so in awe of his character. His willingness to surrender to the Lord's dealings and embrace them in trust and full assurance of faith and be found faithful by serving the Lord and glorifying Him by working with all his heart in every situation and environment he is found in. He completely is secure in the Lord and His way and doings. That is how I want to be. I want to be a Joseph and am frustrated by the fact I am much more relative to "Jacob." If we are being honest, I am a manipulator and when I don't argue my way into validating it...I have ulterior motives, generally always selfish, often. ex: I want people to view me a certain way so I stick this foot forward....and so many others.

In this season of my life I can clearly see the Lord's dealings in my life. However, I don't just want to submit and accept them. I want to be found faithful in them. If He is going to be so attentive to deal with me so personally in...being honest again, like EVERY aspect of my life...then I want to value it enough to be a good steward of it and learn/grow/gain. And to do that I need to be more like Joseph. And Nehemiah for that matter. Brad talked this week about how character is not formed in a day but it is formed daily. And that integrity is what you do when no one is looking. Jerrod also talked about a story of a mentor he once asked, "When did being a man of integrity take a turning point for you and become a priority?" and he responded with a story of coming home from a movie that wasn't entirely appropriate at age 14 to a father who said, "I always wondered what the price on my son's integrity is. Now I know it is three dollars."....ouch. I want to have character and integrity in the little things. They are what matters. If I am faithful in those, I can be faithful in the big things. Definitely doing an inventory check of my life.

I also have been thinking a lot about the fear of the Lord. One of my friends prayed with me and had communion with me after the first Nehemiah message and talked about wanting more and being completely in and abandoned to Christ. She also since has brought up twice how she knows she needs to surrender the area of guys and dating in her life but she can't stop struggling and there always needs to be something. It became a problem again, we talked about it, and all was good again. Now she is going out with a random guy who is not a Christian but "needs her because he is struggling." I also quote, " and he has a past....but it has sort of continued." me,"so his past is actually his present? But it was only one date so no sweat I guess." "Yeah, but he is really respectful. and no, we're dating. Don't worry I'm always wise though.".....I love this girl. I don't know where the lines are. Where I extend grace. Where I call her on it even though I know she won't listen. But honestly, no one else is going too. Where I have the authority seeing as she asked me to keep her accountable. Where the line is of keeping a friendship and what a true friend means.

How to best love her.....mostly what I am realizing is how guys are not the issue in this. Wanting a boyfriend and dad issues ( she has a great dad) are not an issue....the issue is lack of fear of the Lord. Which makes me take a step back because that brings us to the plank in the eye story. This month the theme of God's lessons is grace. Grasping it. Understanding it better. Crying over it's beauty. Tyler in my residency team meeting said it best, "Mercy to me is associated with pain." I feel that way too. Pain in the way, I caused that for someone else and considering the price tag. That ignites fear. I need to fear the Lord a lot more in my life.

and...
1. I hate the smell of tea tree oil...long story.
2. I love chelsey macalpine. I have found a twin.
3. I love my jr high girls so much....and for the record, I am no good at dancing....most of the practices went like this..."No, Hannah swing your hips like this." me, "You don't understand, the only way this girl swings is like this (softball swing impersonation."
4. I really missed Vangaurd this last week....rough one....but this weekend I really found I am starting to wiggle my way into some awesome community and I truly love where I am at and wouldn't pick anywhere else.

Praise the Lord, I am content. I am resting.

p.s. pray for Kyle...my third brother, for those of you that know him. For those that don't...that is another blog that I've known needs to be written since the beginning but I'm avoiding it. Long story. Turns out he won't be a father, God is so merciful to that child. And this next step is critical.