Officially Summer.

"Be still and know that I am God."

Third time I've heard/read/seen...basically been stalked by....that verse today.

FINE. I'm listening.

Spring break backpacking was lovely. And needed. And I felt like things finally changed, ya know? Finally got some things through my thick skull. I felt like for the first time I GOT what it means to rest in Him. To have Him restore my soul while I am still. What it means to quiet my soul. I actually can't think of a better, more fitting, description. My soul was quiet before Him. And that is where rest is. And resting in Him changed everything. As I already wrote about so I won't rehash all of it.

And then I came back from the literal mountain high. And it stuck. But recently, not so much. I'm really good at having a horizontal perspective instead of a vertical one. And it's like Peter, the second my eyes shift from Jesus to the water around me I begin to sink. And I have spent the last few weeks staring at how I measure up in relationships, finances, school, mostly myself. Which would be fine. I can look horizontally and still go to church and bible studies and read and pray and be nice, mostly nice anyway. Except that is not the life I want. That is the life I despise. It's what turns people, at least ME, off to the gospel and christianity. My momma told me she read somewhere the the enemies greatest tool against great things is good things. Comfortable. Easy because it's known. Safe because it doesn't challenge. The life that is all lifestyle and culture with zero heart or content or depth. It's what I walked away from my junior year of high school and many times since. Lukewarm makes me want to spit too. Sorry, Jesus.

But here I am. Looking at myself and what I can and do control to fulfill my heart's desire, and make character, a relationship with the Lord, and what actually matters happen. Which also would by fine, except that goes against the bible and what Jesus lived, died, and now lives again for.

So "be still and know that I am God," huh? Still. Not moving. Not doing. Quiet. Still. I think I need to go move that rock I pulled out of the stream on spring break to a more prominent place I see.

So day one of my summer break starts tomorrow. Two, possibly three, jobs in the mix. And time. Not committing to anything else. Working full time and then the rest of my time is my own.

Here is my summer, Lord. And, here is myself. Have your way in me