Chasing My Horizans

I officially declare it. Mourning period over. I might allow another fifteen minutes when I leave Vangaurd after my first visit. But that is it. I let it happen after I told my friends and after I deleted my classes I was borderline depressed for an evening. But I don’t do sad. I don’t do depressed. I declare it over. Life is what you make it and sometimes happiness comes if you choose to create it. His joy still flows within so I have a reason to praise.

Reflecting back, I will always treasure that year and never regret it. I grew a lot. But mostly it healed me. My precious friends healed my heart and I will forever remember them and hopefully they will be life long friends. I loved that year. I needed that year.

I had a plan, and that all changed. It is that age where everyone wants to know your game plan for the future, goals, career options, school choices. I used to have answers and now I don't. It would be far to easy to fall into the ranks of so many others and get all stressed out about figuring everything out. It would be far to easy to be jealous of the many of friends who do have it all together, know exactly what they want to do, where they want to go, and how they are going to make it happen. And of all the people dating and in serious relationships about to get married or starting down that road.

Time to embrace. If this didn’t happen, I never would have had the guts to leave. That makes it sound like I needed the courage, which may be a little bit true. But mostly, I wouldn’t have ever been able to make the decision to choose to leave my friends. They meant to much to me. They still do. But seeing as the Lord made it really clear, it was easier.

This year I get to live with a beautiful family. I get to have a sister for a year and a little brother. I was accepted into the residency program at the well (my wonderful church). Residency is a program led by graduates of DTS (Dallas Theological Seminary) who are teaching pastors at the well who basically go through a chunk of the bible with us four mornings a week before classes/work for the next nine months. We also are able to get really involved at the well and serving. I am so excited and have always wanted to do this since I started going. And now I won’t live forty five minutes away so I can.

And now my world is wide open. I am not tied down. Nothing is holding me back and I don’t have commitments after this year. I know this is a fleeting time in my life. Probably the only time in my life I will have this opportunity. I could get through school as fast as I can and start a career. Or, while I have the opportunity, I could chase dreams. I don’t want to waste this time. I don’t want to regret not doing things I won’t get another shot at doing. I will not play it safe. I will not be the girl that goes straight though school, jumps into a career, the perfect little girl that does everything right in the right order. I don’t care if people think I am irresponsible and crazy. I will pray, listen to Jesus, and go chase those horizans. People keep telling me I am going to get married in a year. Really? Why do so many random people keep telling me that. Um, yeah, don’t have a boyfriend or anybody interested, truckers don’t count. I am not looking for a relationship. I will not manipulate. If it happens I won’t fight it. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Songs says that three times. I plan to follow that and when God sees it fit, He can do it. I will just trust His timing and in the meantime embrace my single years.

What do I want to do? Anything. Absolutely anything. The world is wide open and at my fingertips. I’m dreaming dreams and I’m going after them. Life is an adventure if we let it be.
I want to work random jobs at places I have always wanted to. Waitressing, a lumber yard, café.I want to take classes I want to take not caring if it knocks me back a semester. I want to take a year off so I can afford to get out of here and live where I have dreamed of since I was 8. College might take me six years. But they WILL be six years of adventure soaking up the opportunities.

So I thought all day about what I really want to do. Then I went to starbucks after work and emailed Show Hope and offered my summer to them next year. Show Hope is a 6 story orphanage in a poor part of China that the Chapman family started. After that I’m looking into housing opportunities in Texas. Maybe Oklahoma. Probably Texas. Because of Show Hope, I will be broke and have to work for at least the first semester, most likely a year. Then I will have established residency and be able to go to school there. I’ll get to waitress like I have always wanted and hopefully find a good college group at a Church in the area and get plugged in and make friends. I’ll also go to all kinds of stuff at A&M and pretend I’m a student (cousins got the hook ups).

If I fail, I fail. If I hate it, oh well. I can always come back. But I can’t always leave. I can always go do something else.

I’m going to learn spanish. I’m going to read a lot of books. I’m going to take a dance class. I’m going to help people. I’m going to help out with kids that need it. I’m going to have an English bulldog named monkey. I’m going to learn how to cook. I’m going to learn how to change my oil and tire. I’m going to have a red front door. And I am going to have a big family with several adopted babies. There is a little black boy in my future I am convinced. And I’m going to move out of California.

Starting now. Done and done. Bring it on. This girl needs wide open spaces. I’m trading orchards and the beach for a huge sky and southern hospitality. Good thing I love sweet tea and country music.

Game plan: This year: Residency, finish up general ed, get super involved at the Well, live with an awesome family Next summer: off to China to work in an orphanage with precious lil babies. Next year: Texas....it should be interesting to see the reactions when people ask after my very responsible previous answer of English Major, teaching, etc.