Time to Waste

I go about my day knowing I need to spend time in the Word. I know my relationship with Christ, and all the things I want to change or be different in my life, won't until I am fully captivated by Him. Which requires giving Him time to captivate me.

Yet I wait. I fill my time with other things and other interests until just about the time I am so tired, i need sleep. I don;t go to bed, or start off my day, without reading my bible (for the most part), but I realize that often, I give it, basically, the least amount of time possible, and then expect Him to show up, do big things, and speak to me in life changing ways.

I honestly do want God to speak to me. I want to be changed. I want to love Him, without question, above ALL else. Yet, this is what I give Him to work with. Is it that cheap to me? Do I think that the price He paid and everything He so mercifully and gracefully offers me is THAT CHEAP? that all I give Him in exchange for everything is a couple handfuls, if that, of reading His word, and the few times I actually remember to pray throughout the day.

I don't know what is holding me back. Maybe it is because I know it will require everything. But I want to give Him that, and I have. It will require me to give up things, though I am unsure of what, that I am sure will be painful to part with. Or maybe not, I have been down that road a lot and I am sure I will again and again. But maybe this is one of those things where it will require me to be diligent, make my body my slave, as Paul says. I know for sure that whatever it is will cause me to drastically alter my life and the nice little set up I am so content with living in day to day. It will be breaking, it will require Christ to come into my temple, in all righteous anger, and over turn some tables that don't belong. And I truly want that. I pray for it everyday, but tend to live my life once I'm off my knees in a different mode. I am far to comfortable in this world and with what it is offering me.

If you want more, more is required of you. I do not want fluffy, rainbows and sunshine, Christianity. I want depth. I want genuine. I want raw.

Last Thursday I finished my last final by 8p.m. Then, of course, everyone wanted to hang out for the last hurrah before we all headed home. It was a good night. I got in at 3 a.m. and then had to finish packing so I could catch my ride home at 10 a.m. A quirk, yes I like that, much more endearing word than weird. A quirk of mine, is I love cleaning late at night. So I decided to take my time packing and reflecting. It was therapeutic after the last two weeks. I was finishing up just as the sun was rising, so I grabbed my bible and notebook and headed to the smaller chapel on campus to start off the day, and my summer right. What a beautiful morning and time of thanking the Lord for the past year, and then commiting my summer to Him. I then read Psalms 145 and read a lot of the words I had just prayed back to me. It was beautiful and the Lord confirmed to me that He would answer my prayers, and pretty much it is going to be a good summer.

I prayed for a lot of things, but most heavily was that I would not waste my time. That I would invest it in things that matter. I heard a message once on Mary annointing Jesus with her super expensive perfume and 'wasting' it on Him according to the disciples. The speaker said that as young people, the most expensive and fleeting thing we have to 'waste' on the Lord is our time.

I have another thought that I want to turn into something a little longer, so it looks like you guys get three posts today of my thoughts this past week.