Doesn't take much does it? Got the rug pulled out from under me again. Monday was shaky at best. Prayed a lot. Was scared a lot. Was teary a lot. Met with my accountability partners. Prayed with Kelley and Kalina. Called momma. A lot of things are in question that leave everything, myself included, shaky.

And then came Tuesday.

Woke up and spent time not reading and off to the next thing, but being with Jesus. He met me there.

I have zero answers. Nothing that was made unsure is settled. I have no firm footing. But I have Jesus. And as I walked through my day, leaning fully on Jesus, I tasted and saw that He is good. I remembered.

I remembered singing "He is All I Need," as I walked to the scale house at Fruit Patch, all alone, working a job that unnerved me completely, the summer I walked away from Vanguard and handed my life and plans and world to Jesus. I remembered Him making it rain for me at Hume the summer I worked before my senior year of High School. I remembered backpacking through Arkansas last Spring Break and when the rest slept in their tents, I prayed by the fire and remembered.

I remembered that He is enough for me. I remembered how sweet it is to be with Him and cling to Him and be WITH HIM. To trust Him REALLY. To have Him be my strength REALLY. To be in fellowship with Him REALLY. To pray continually REALLY. To seek Him. To lots of things. It's easy to parrot all those things yet actually do all those things myself. Say He is all those things but never experience them because I am too busy doing it all for me. To need Him is to know Him. Rarely do I know Him otherwise. I realized this in the SCC around 11:30 pm while studying with Ryan.

And I walked outside and thanked Him. From the bottom of my heart. How gracious is He, how personal, that He didn't just let me keep going, that He didn't allow me to be able to handle my life on my own anymore when He easily could have and by all means I should have been able too. But He didn't. He interfered. And getting the rug pulled out from under me is Grace. Need is Grace. "He has hedged my way before and behind me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me I can not attain it." (Psalms 139)

And I've missed Him. I've missed Him a lot. I don't want to not need Him.

He's a really good, Dad. I could go on, but I'll stop there. I'm loved. I'm thankful. And He is enough. Contentment is sweet.