Longest day i've had in a while. Fighting myself all day and lost. Spent many hours working out academic advising and mapping for the rest of my semesters until my graduation, credential, and master's. Realized more clearly my work situation. Realized more clearly my financial situation. Realized more clearly the economic situation. And realized more clearly what this is going to take. Not that I didn't know it would be an uphill battle, but yeah. These types of things exhaust and drain me in the quickest of ways.
Called my miss Taylor Boldt back home to remind me that I can do this because He will make a way and I am where I'm supposed to be. The clutch bff pump up speech.
It wasn't until I got off the phone with my parent's...funny how their affirmation and support is always a huge gust of wind in my sails...and had time to finally head home and hide away in my room and process and breathe and get things done that perspective came. I was listening to a podcast and talking to a potential future roommate while doing homework and it just made sense.
If this is the situation, then I must need it. If this is the environment He has surrounded me in, then I submit to His authority and embrace it. His way is best, always. Perhaps I would not know Him the way I will if it were easier and I needed Him less. Actually my need would be the same, but maybe I would not know my need for Him the same. If this path is the way that best helps me know Christ, gain Christ, and prepare me for the work He purposed for me then I don't want anything else do I? If this experience is the way He will be most glorified in my life, then I don't want anything else.
Easy, comfortable, familiar, reliable are rarely the routes I've read about in the bible of how God prepares His people and uses them and helps them know Him. So my being disappointed at my life being anything other way doesn't make sense if I want His way.
So bring on the uphill battle. I have Him.
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