2011. twenty eleven? two thousand and eleven?

I love the end of the year and start of a new one. First, because it means family comes back together for Christmas. And I also just love reflecting over the last year. And I really love the hope that comes with a new one. Fresh start.

I would say that is how I feel walking into this year. Hopeful. And a little bit of fight. I feel my fight coming back. Not sure where I lost it along the way. But it definitely simmered down. I didn't realize how not okay I was until I came back to my hometown for a couple weeks. Maybe because it meant I could stop. Maybe because I was finally surrounded with people again who I knew truly knew, loved, and supported me. Or maybe it was having to process so much because every other question was about how I was liking and doing in Texas.

I felt tired. For the last six plus months actually. And I realized maybe even a while before that but it was masked under being involved in so many programs and work and school that I just never knew it.


But not anymore. I am shifting. Perspectives, gazes, and gears. I feel refueled and rejuvenated. Had some incredible conversations. Had some reminders of who I am and where I've been and where I'm going. Had a really incredible message and worship last Sunday that punched me in all the right places. And I think sometimes I'm crazy for walking away from what I did. And crazy for walking away from things I'm probably about too. People too. But I just don't want to settle for less then what He wants and intends.

I want to be available to Him. Really available. After His heart, about His business, praying, listening, watching. Everywhere I am. EVerywhere He has placed me. And not focused on the things I don't know. But rather seeking His heart for the next step and being content to focus on where I currently am and what He has told me. "Wherever you are, be all there" as Jim Elliot put it.

Game on 2011. No idea where it'll take me or where I am going in general. But He is faithful and good and I choose that over what I want or think. We will see :)