The last few days have been shaky at best. I hate complaining or admitting this is flipping hard. But sometimes there are these moments where it feels like moving here has scraped the scab off the old wound of handing back Vanguard. And my eyes have not been set where they should lately. I'm scared and i'm hurt and I'm angry. And I'm looking at all the things I don't know instead of what I do. And two years later the wound still feels new. The sting is still present. I don't know what I expected but this definitely wasn't it.

He has been faithful to show me the next step. That's it. And thousands of dollars and months of savings depend on me knowing the answers to questions I don't have. And I'm broken. Still. And hurting still. And missing still. And I don't know what He is doing or what He wants. And I'm scared. So I called one of my best friends. And I was explaining the state of my heart and it started raining. And I started crying. So significant to me for reasons that relate to a sweet time with the Lord back in summer of '07 and then fall of '08. I read Proverbs 3:5-6 yesterday. So simple. So popular. But it's what I needed. And both of these things I just kind of heard and then wrote off. But as I sit here now, still completely unsure of everything and still hurting I realize that maybe I should focus on what He IS telling me instead of what He ISN'T telling me.

Know what He told me?

He loves me. And to trust Him with my WHOLE heart. And to not lean on my own understandings. And to acknowledge Him in everything I do. And that He will direct my paths.

He loves me. I'm going to trust Him to direct. And I'm going to focus on trusting Him with everything and acknowledging Him in everything and not my own wisdom or knowledge.

He is in control. He is responsible. He is God. Not me. I'm the child. And He holds my whole world in His hands. And He loves me. Sooooo that is enough for me.