Almost one thirty am and I'm about to put away my burnt pizza and 7 books I rented from the top floor of our GIANT library on David Llyod George and his wartime coalition. It's okay to be jealous of my Thursday night (College Station's Friday night equivalent).

Insomnia gets the best of me again. As much as I hate it, some of my favorite times happen at this hour. When the rest of the house has gone to sleep and everything just slows down a little. I can think. Breathe.

I studied a ton. I met with professors. I worked a lot. And then went straight to the library. Long day. Ending with a grocery store run that put everything in perspective.

Daily there are things that deep down I wish were different. My course load...five reading and writing intensive classes was not my best idea (recommended is two). BUT how would I have known I could write 48 pages in one week? HA senior thesis I am already ready for you. Not that i actually have to write one, but if I did...I'd be all over that. Financial aid situation. Living 2 days away from my favorite humans on this earth. List goes one.

BUT you know what? Before rushing off to the next thing, I got to sit in the middle of academic plaza. And the sun was going down and students were heading home. The corp boys were running through campus with their units doing their yells. Fall was in full force. And I got to sit and take it all in for a moment. Stop and pray over things that I need answers too but haven't got them yet. And between that and the grocery store run today I realized i'm just thankful.

I like that He isn't answering because it means I SEEK Him. And seeking Him means being with Him and praying and that's the best. And I miss that too often. And I go to a school where opportunities are exploding all around me. I get to learn. HERE. And I go home to a warm house. And when I go to the grocery store I buy food. Not limited to what will keep me alive. But my PREFERENCE of food. I have more clothes than I will ever use until they are worn through. And I have people in my life that put to shame best friends portrayed in movies.

And mostly, I have a God who loves me. He treasures me. And I don't have to have it all figured out. I don't have to fix myself. I don't have to be perfect or hold everything together. I can just be loved and love in return.

And the only reasonable response to that is selling all that I have to buy the treasure in the field. I don't know how that looks right now, but I know I can pray and He will work it out and do it. It's always better when He does anyway. And I'm sick of letting those who have never seen the treasure talk me out of buying it. Or watering down the price.

More often than ever before my prayers focus a lot less on me trying to fix everything and figure out what I'm doing wrong or what action I need to take to change and be better and more....and they focus a lot more around, "God, I love You. And I believe You. And I trust You. Have Your way. Thank You that I am Yours."


Just thankful. And cared for. And wealthy in every sense of the word.