Working at Olive Garden has already blessed my life so much in the one week I officially have been here, out of training. There is a guy and girl that work there that immediately connected with me and come to find out, are believers. There are two others besides them and this morning the five of us met at starbucks two hours before work to fellowship and pray. Changed my whole day. Tonight they set up a volleyball game and night swim. Sans alcohol. And it was incredible how many showed up and how many intentional conversations about God happened after the game ended.

I am humbled and blown away. All four of them are older than me and to be pridefully honest, it's been such a refreshment because they actually challenge me. And today, and the last few days, God used Katie (future roommate) and Nick to show me how wrapped up in myself I am. Sure, saying things and having perspective and realizing things is a big part. But good intentions mean nothing without follow through and building good habits or fostering an environment to meet with the Lord and be changed. Both of them are bold in there faith. No shame. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. But neither are fake, legalistic, or talking down too. They are honest, sincere, loving, and they don't water down or shy away from what they believe and sharing it through more than just actions.

I know the little Christian slogan is popular that says, "preach the gospel, and when necessary use words." Or something like that. But that seems like a cop out a lot of times. And for me it most definitely is. Not that I use that slogan. I really am not a fan of bumper stickers, slogans, tshirts, and all the other awkward paraphernalia that has become Christian merchandising. But the idea of sharing Christ by not compromising your own standards and being nice and loving is how I have been sharing my faith. But why not use words? What am I so afraid of? Their impression of me. Making them uncomfortable. Them thinking I'm a hypocrite. Them not liking me. Etc. Etc. Etc. Me. Root of all of that is me.

And even, disgustingly honest, with this crew at work, I find myself using the Lord and things He has taught me and done in me and spoke to me about as tools to get them to be impressed with me and my heart. What a shame. What a dishonor. It is so easy for me to live off of past experiences and share them as if they are current because I haven't moved on and taken another step forward. And also disgustingly honest, often I view myself as spiritually further than so many of my peers. Thank the Lord for all of the blessings He has provided me with. So much investment. My family. My heritage from my grandparents. IHS. A bible study with my Aunt Karen that gave me a heart for the meat of the word in 7th grade. On and on and on. HIS provision and blessings. Not my own. Yet instead of being humbled by this, I take it and act like it had something to do with me and begin taking credit for it. Reminds me of that passage in the old testament about the baby left for dead on the side of the road etc....


And I don't want this. I don't want this pride. I don't want my own efforts. I don't want to value myself over the Lord and care about self preservation and my glory. I don't want to be so deceived that I am okay and can do this that I don't realize my desperate need to pray and seek His face, not His hand only, every single day before anything else.

I live my life for myself. I know better, He reveals better. But my choices are for myself. I choose sleep and comfort and television and a million other things over Him and time with Him. I choose self preservation over sharing about Him. I use His precious gifts and doing for my own glory and reputation and then shy away from saying anything that makes people uncomfortable or me not well received as soon as the audience changes. Truth is, my life is about me and my confidence is in my flesh and I "go to Egypt for help and comfort" and it's vain and empty and I'm wasting time I will never get back. What a shame.


Time to stand up. Time to depend on Him. Time to throw myself at His feet and ask for mercy and grace. I'm sick of myself.

Praise God for Olive Garden and some faithful believers named Nick and Katie.