I need to give myself a break.

I need to give myself a little more grace and room to learn and grow. Being determined and driven are not bad attributes, but I realized today I put far to much pressure on myself to always get it right the first time, not waste, and have high standards.

And it's like I keep telling Grace (she's ten with the maturity level of a fifteen year old...at least). You are TEN, it is great you're mature but don't forget sometimes it is okay to just be ten.

Most my friends are older. It has always been that way. Possibly the product of being the youngest, extended family included. And most of the time I am comfortable and fine with that. But I need to listen to my own advice. The fact of the matter is, at the end of the day I really am only nineteen. And sometimes it is just okay to be nineteen. Even if ninety five percent of the time I am not functioning as a normal nineteen year old.

I don't have to have it all figured out. I don't have to be perfect the first time around. It is okay to not know. It is okay to learn. It is okay to try new things, fail, and try something else. It is okay to extend myself grace and room to grow. It is okay to just be nineteen. It is okay to accept myself and where I am.

And that is the best part. It isn't up to me. I am not in control. I don't have to serve that master. My ear has been pierced to the doorpost. The price was paid. My debt erased. Freedom was given. And I handed it all back to the One who gave it all to set me free. I was bought at a price and I am not my own. I don't have to do it anymore. I never did. But I am just now realizing that. I was set free. I handed my freedom back by consecrating myself to Him and His authority. I am not my own. And it is in grasping those last two sentences that I have experienced the sweetest freedom yet. Logically, that doesn't seem to make sense but it is my experience. Free to not be in control and free to not live for myself. It isn't about me. It never was.