letting go and embracing so much more.

I have been home alone now for about four days and I have about four more to go. The parents are on our "family vacation" which now consists of just them two. Both Jon and I are working and Steve obviously can't tell his Air Force T.I.'s, "Sorry Sir, but I have this family tradition so I'm going on vacation. I'll get back to the yelling, running, and no sleep next week, k?" Since I was two we have gone up to Hume every summer for a week and rented the same cabin. Lot 80. Good times in that green cabin with the sweet shag carpet that finally got replaced last year.

Not this year. Some how we blinked and we all grew up. In a little over a week we all head to Texas to watch Steve graduate and spend five days together for what quite possibly be our last family vacation with just the 5 of us. Generally I am a very sentimental person and am a little bit stubborn about change. Example: I am actually still bitter about the lot 80 owners replacing the gross, old, musty, shag avacado carpet. But all this time alone the last four day, I have come to some conclusions about life. Lol. Okay, I know about every time I write in my blog it is because of new conclusions about life I had, but this one is different. Not over emotional intense stuff. Am I totally lame if I say I understand what Taylor Swift means when she says, "Really I am not a complicated person, my complications in life come out in my songs." That is the way I feel about blogging.

Everything is different or will be soon. I feel like my whole life is in transition. And I am totally ready for it. I want to embrace life. My senior year of high school I was weekend working up at Hume and visiting Jon(who was doing Joshua at the time), and he told me something I remembered again yesterday. Life is just better when you choose to be happy. That is why I keep saying I am loving enjoying the simple things in life. They can make your day, if you let them. The Holy Spirit can fill you and be more than enough for you, if you let it. A while ago I wrote about how it is a command in the bible to rejoice, for this is the day the Lord has made. I feel like He is doing that in me, slowly and not without lots of fumbles on my part, but I really am starting too. I was thinking today, and what a joy it is to just live. To wake up and get another shot at this world. I love it.

My other conclusion I have come to, or am coming to, is more figuring out who I am. Not just being fully myself only around people who I know I can be because I know they won't be disappointed and will like me, but just being me always. Hannah Michelle Goetz, take it or leave it. I feel like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride a little bit, having to figure out what eggs I like etc. And embracing who I am and what God made me to be. I am realizing more how much God loves me and cherishes me. I mean He created me because He desires me. He has a purpose for me. Wow. It is easy to feel insignificant, but I am not. Fact is, The God of everything created me because He wanted to and desired to. That is what makes me significant. If I am not who I am, who He created me to be, if I let myself be overcome by fears, sprurred from lies I have bought into, or insecurities and let those dictate how I am, and ultimately who I am, then I am not allowing the Lord to fulfill His purpose for me. I am limiting God in what He desires to do in and through me. Not because He is not fully capable, but because He designed it that way. Awesome quote- without Him, we can't. Without us, He won't.- So by not embracing who He made me to be, I am not letting Him fulfill all His plans and intentions for my life. The only standard that matters is His. Not other peoples, not my own. So I am embracing life, and who He made me to be. Or starting to. It is a little bit shaky and feels like throwing with my left hand, but it is a start.

I have so enjoyed being home alone this week. Lots of good talks with friends. Lots of blaring music while late night cleaning. And blaring music while I spend a long time getting ready for the day. I so love being a girl that way. Lots of talking to the dog and some dancing. Okay, lots of dancing. Lots of being lazy and living off of cereal, PB sandwhiches, and a couple taco bell tacos. (And we are officially getting to the point of the week where I call my friends and make them feel sorry for me and invite me over for dinner). Life is good.

In one month I move up to Fresno. New surrounding. New family. New home. New friends. New community. New life. But having joy, embracing who God made me, and the life He has given me, does not depend on my environment or those who surround me anymore. Not my job. Not where I live. Not the close proximity to certain people. But my Lord Jesus and the simple fact that He created me and the world for me (okay all people but whatever). He will never leave me nor forsake me. At His right hand are pleasures forever more. No good thing have I beyond You. Nothing can seperate me from the love of God. And He jealously loves me and cherishes me.

I am who I am and it is enough. And that fact has nothing to do with me.
I am enough because He was enough for me.

His precious Son, who bled and died. It is enough.

And nothing else really matters does it?

Whatever next year brings, or the rest of my life for that matter, bring it on.

Why is it that it took me letting go of so many things to realize that I have it all?


Selah.