Just...Happy

I'm sitting in my room all by myself. My roommates don't officially move in for two ish weeks but one of them brought a load over today with two boys to help unload. Joy and the guys left. What a beautiful evening. I haven't laughed like that for a while :) Now it's quite again and I am just sitting here….so thankful. I couldn't resist stopping for a minute and writing it down.

You know those moments? Where you are totally humbled at how the Lord has dealt with you? I am just….happy. It's not like I think it won't be hard and like I think it will be all daisies and roses and peachy from here on out my little dream come true. But you know what? It kind of is. So this is what it feels like to watch dreams come true. I honestly have tears in my eyes because I can't believe the Lord has been this good to me. And my definition of Him being good isn't my dreams coming true. It's His best whether it be giving or taking away. But this time it's giving.

I read a random blog while I was blog surfing waiting for a last truck to show up this summer. It was talking about this dad whose wife loves extreme sports so much she feels closer to God doing them. Like the whole "when I run I feel His pleasure," thing from Chariots of Fire. And he got this picture of her face lighting up when her firstborn daughter finally got up on water skies the first time. You can see the daughters elation and then the mom's beaming at watching her daughter enjoy what she taught her and loves too. He said his wife's joy almost surpassed his daughters. He said he felt like the Lord using it as a picture to show him in a more tangible way how it pleases Him when he pleases us because He delights in us. He loves to watch our dreams come true. I fully believe that sometimes He has so much more for us but we just don't give Him the opportunity to bless us because we hold so tightly or something. I don't know, but I feel like somehow this blesses Him too, like Him providing for me and watching my heart's desires He gave me come true somehow pleases and blesses Him too. I can't believe it.

I'm sitting in my room after having enjoyed a wonderful Texas summer night with cicadas singing to me. Southern hospitality is off the charts in this town. I love the community. i love the people. I love that our back porch is being extended all the way to the fence to make a country dance floor. I love that our house is already being planned on by lots of people as the "go-to" house. I love sweet tea. I love boots. I love that there are 10 country stations. I love watching Kyle Field come into view, like all the time, as I drive around town. And I love that my insurance lady I knew for 1 day wants to take me out to lunch once a month and gave me her cell number incase I ever break down on the side of the road. I love all the "Yes, Sir's" and "Yes, Ma'am's," and "Ya'll's" and the big trucks. I love that I have to work hard for this. It makes me appreciate it all.

I honestly…just can't believe this is my life. I get to live in the south and go to a school I love with people I love in Texas. I don't want this naive vision of everything perfect. I really don't expect that. But I do realize all the more now that I'm here why I've wanted to live here and go here since I first started visiting as a little girl.

So after everyone has left, I found the perfect playlist for my mood, and am setting up my room with a FULL bed that is so incredibly comfortable that got handed to me for free from my roommates summer co-intern in my house (one tiny example of many crazy provisions), in my house next to my dream school, in my small town I now have as a permanent address, in a state I am officially a resident of. And I got a small taste of the community I'm going to get this year. I treasure my community from California, but honestly I didn't have much with being so busy for the last….7-8 months. And you know what? All I want to do is just read my bible and thank the Lord. I forgot how much the Body of Christ does that. Washes your feet and spurs you on. I've missed it. I've needed it.

So just let this be a testimony of how incredibly undeserving I am and how I've done nothing except work like crazy sacrificing things that really matter as if it's all up to me. Psalms 127:1 "Unless the Lord builds the house those that labor labor in vain….for He gives His beloved sleep." I'm not saying there is no personal responsibility. I just got reminded afresh tonight that it really isn't up to me. That He provided not because I earned it, but in spite of me honestly. That even if I follow all the "rules" and seek my little heart out, that is not what does anything, certainly not what makes me deserve His love and rest and provision. But somewhere in the back of my head I guess it's what I thought because all I sit here thinking is, "But I haven't even been seeking because I've been working, why are You still so good to me and providing like this? Where is the discipline and wrath?" No, tonight I don't deserve it. And if I had been seeking all summer I still wouldn't deserve it.

But instead of fighting it or feeling guilty or trying to pay it back, I just want to be humbled and love Him and cherish it and be grateful. "He is most glorified when we are most satisfied." I am sitting in my room that I get to decorate with mostly Taylor Swift on repeat (let's be honest, despite her not being true country or maybe even the best singer, she just makes you happy and any night better instantly). I love it all. I can't believe I get to live here, with these girls, in this community, in this town, in this state, and go to this school. I love Him. And I love this. And I can't believe this is my life. And I am just….thankful and praise Him.

"Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise…" And tonight, the definition of "blessing" is my dreams coming true. I am just….really happy.